Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
