dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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