Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
