I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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