My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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