I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize