new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
