I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
be right there i have to get my cape
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
