I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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