I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I want to be your penis for a week.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize