I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
