I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
