If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
