If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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