I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
