dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
MIDGETS
????
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
