Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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