My first STD was from a foam party
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize