We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
