she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
