pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
