): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
