R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
