I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
