yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
