I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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