Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
