i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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