is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
