It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
