girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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