just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
