i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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