dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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