Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
