perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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