hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
