you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
