Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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