I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
