you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
