So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
