My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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