I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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