he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
