how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
