I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i think my cat just said my name.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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