I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
