you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We're using joints as your birthday candles
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
