Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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