Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
