sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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