There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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