So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
