I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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