ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
