I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
