I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
