I just saw a hot homeless man
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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