Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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