I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
