Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize