I just saw a hot homeless man
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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