dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
