Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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