I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
