Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
