Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
