It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
