It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
