Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
