so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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