I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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