Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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