when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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