According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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