I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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