u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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