u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
