hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
