Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
