I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
is wine microwaveable?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
