I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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