You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize