Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
her vagine was all disorganized.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
