Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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