you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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