I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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