god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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