it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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