Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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