Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
