Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
