I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
