I CAN MOONWALK!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
