Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
