she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
