Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
