she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
