the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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